Of watches and Morning Glories

My poor neglected blog.  It has been almost a whole year since I have written.  To be truthful, for most of the year, whenever my mind has turned to this blog it has been to wonder:  How do I take it down?  How can I archive the posts before I do that?

But here I am.

It has been a long, difficult year.  Several events from this year deserve posts in their own right and I won’t begin to try to summarize here.  Let me just say it has been an difficult year of anxiety, tragedy, and loss.  Not just one, but several bad events.   And none of that had to do with adoption.

The intensity of the year caused me to pull inward significantly.  I needed and wanted to focus on my family.  I needed to not live everyday absorbed in the waiting and the anxiety of adoption.  I couldn’t get myself to write and I stopped blogging.

So those few people who may, from time to time, stop in on this blog probably are those involved in Nepal adoption.  Am I right?  You already know all the difficulty associated with the last year in terms of Nepal adoption.  You would understand when I say that we basically had taken a “if it happens, it happens (but it most likely will not)” stance.  You would understand that taking that stance broke our hearts because this adoption was still what we wanted with every ounce of our selves but that the posture was needed to keep going.  You would understand the need to let go of the stirring wheel.

Funny things happen when you let go….

You find your hands full when you least expect it.

As we did.

We received a referral.

A beautiful, beautiful little boy.   A bit over 3 years old.

And our hearts?

Well, it goes without saying they are bursting.

It has been several weeks, so why am I sharing this now?

Because something happened this week that I needed to put down:

My watch fell off.

I was sitting at my desk at work.  I was trying to work.  I say trying because so much of my brain has been going into fretting about the wait to travel.  I have been feeling weeks, days, hours, seconds tick by without word from the DOS on the new process for visa approval when here we are with travel approval and, ugh, the anxiety has been killing me!

And my watch just fell off my wrist.  The band snapped in two as I sat there reading an email.  And as I looked at my watch, I felt peace.

There could be no better sign that I need to stop paying attention to chronos and instead pay attention to kairos.  To the idea that things will unfold as they will for a reason.  That everything happens in its season.  That the time in between is not insignificant and is special.

There is a spiritual dimension to time.  The signs are there if we pay attention.

There have been so many moments in the last three and a half years that I have been frustrated or angry about the way things have unfolded.  When I have been upset about how we have lost days or weeks or months or, possibly, a referral.  But.  Every single delay and hurt and frustration along this path led to our file reaching the top of the pile at the same time as M’s file.  And I would not have it any other way.

Moments after my watch fell off, I received a Netflix email that “About of Boy” (bad movie but the title!) was on its way.  I went home and two items — a letter from friends and a gift they had sent from a different location– arrived on the same day.  I felt time flowing, not ticking.

Two days later, my Morning Glories finally bloomed.  The vines had grown tall but had not looked healthy and they had not bloomed.  I felt they should have by now and I was planning on cutting them down.  And then they bloomed.  A most splendid blue.

All good things come.  In their time.

Signs of Movement

It has been quite sometime since I’ve shared any news about our adoption. That has been in large part because there has been NO news to share.  It was a difficult summer.  Since the prime minister of Nepal resigned in early May, the new government has been taking shape.  And since this is a fragile coalition, striking the right balance of power between all the different government parties is a complicated business. Without a minister in place at the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare, the travel approvals for those families who accepted referrals in the spring were not issued and no additional referrals were sent out.  It was hard, without these more tangible signs of progress, to now what was going to happen.

I am happy to report that there have been  signs of movement.  Last Wednesday, a Minister was appointed and sworn in!  JOY! Also, last week some matched in the spring received their approvals to travel. A few are already in Nepal. I felt such JOY! in hearing that those first few families had arrived safely to meet their children.

What does this mean for us? That really is anyone’s guess. We are but one of 300-400 families with dossiers submitted who eagerly wait to see how things will unfold in the months ahead and into 2010.  For now, we celebrate with those who are there and hold them in our thoughts as they navigate through the in-country process and, more importantly, begin those early steps of getting to know their little ones.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Signing up for rowing lessons was arguably the best idea I’ve had in a long, long time. Being involved with water activities used to be such a big part of my life and I don’t think I had realized just how much I missed spending time out on the water. So it has been a reunion of sorts for me. It also helped me to get back into an exercise routine which has been crucial in maintaining my stress levels this summer. It is so darn fun being out there on the water, learning a new set of skills, and working with a team. I am hooked. Here we are, the Learn-to-Row crew, after our first “big” race:

Certainly, there is plenty more that could be said about the past couple of months. Some very sad moments. Some very scary moments. Blessings and celebrations as well. But, as you might have guessed from my lack of posts , I’ve been at a loss for words of late. The focus for me recently has just been to try to live in these moments as much a possible and to worry less about/let go of that over which I have no control.

Shaking the inertia

It is easy when you spend year after year working towards something and not seeing much forward progress to feel as though you are in a holding pattern. That is where I am, in a rut. There is no doubt about it. So, I am going to try to shake this feeling of inertia a bit and try something new, something which I’ve been thinking about trying for a good while now.

Starting in July, this is what I will be up to three times a week for four weeks:

I am going to learn how to row! Cool huh? I am very excited. I love being out on the water and it will be great to be out there exercising and watching the river wake up. It is painfully early (I have to be at the boat house at 5:45 am !!) but I think it will be worth it:

Doesn’t that look so peaceful?

An update for you Lisa dear!

Thank you, Lisa, for your latest comment reminding me that 1) it has been awhile since my last update and 2) there are people out there who are waiting and hoping and praying along with us on this journey. I know you tell me that I do not need to thank you but the encouragement really does mean a lot.

So, I have good news! Our dossier was FINALLY submitted on Thursday, June 4!! OH.MY.GOODNESS. Our dossier made it to Nepal on February 17. We had our new 171H (immigration approval) on March 21. Our dossier was submitted on June 4. Yes, it took that freaking long to get that final missing piece, the Guarantee Letter, and get the dossier in to the Ministry. Phew!

(I do think I have a few pieces of hair left. But really. Not that many.)

So, what does that mean? Well, basically, we are officially in the “que” so to speak. My understanding from the rumor mill is that we will not be given our legal number which tells us just where in line we stand. And so we wait! At some point down the road, our dossier will be sent to the matching committee which does, well, the matching. When a match is made, our agency will receive the referral information. Upon acceptance of the referral, our dossier and our child’s paperwork will be sent back to the Ministry which gives the final approval. And at some point even further down the road, we travel.

I have no projections on time frame.   Again, this is still a very new process.  We will have to wait and see.  Maybe in a few months, we will have a better idea of what to expect time-wise.  I do know that referrals have been received, here in the US and in Europe.  So there is movement finally.   I eagerly await the news that these families are traveling to meet their children (all little girls I do believe), I hold them and their children in my thoughts, and I thank them for being willing to share with those of us at different stages in this journey.

This really has not sunk in. That we are finally at this point. And that this could actually lead to a referral. A child. We’ve been here before with Vietnam. But even when our dossier was in, we knew the chances were so very slim. We were seeing something through. But this? Well, it is different. Perhaps it is time for me to realize that. There will be more delays. And more hurtles. But the chances are not as slim this go around.  I am a mix of happy and cautious, relieved and excited.

That’s it!  ‘Bout time for some positive direction, eh?  Thanks for hanging in there with me these past few months!

A lot going on these days

There have been a lot of developments in Nepal over the past 10 days or so. I haven’t had the energy to blog about the recent events which have sent my head and heart spinning. The Prime Minister of Nepal resigned this past Monday.

Since I hadn’t been following Nepal news on a daily basis* my first clue that something was going down came late last week when my friend who is in Nepal now posted a status update on FB about a late night escape from the Terai (where she is doing research) back to Kathmandu.

(*really, for those who are in the process of IA, how do you keep up with everything? I’ve been focusing on learning about Nepal from a cultural , religious, and geographic perspective and then also about attachment and parenting. And just monitoring completion of our dossier which has been like pulling teeth. I’d let current affairs slip a wee bit. Oopps.)

Anyway, later on my friend posted some news articles. I am glad for that heads up now because I don’t know how I would have reacted if I had turned on the computer Monday to the news of Nepal’s Prime Minister resigning without it.

As it was, I was crushed. It was really hard to say at that point what the current crisis would mean for adoptions. I think it may have been my lowest point in the last two+ years. All my doubts, all my insecurities erupted to the surface.

I am feeling a bit better today though plenty of questions remain. I don’t want to go into a political analysis of the situation. I have not studied emerging democracies nor do I know the full political context of Nepal. I am learning. It does now look like there is cause for optimism that Nepal will be able to form a new coalition government and that is a good thing at so many levels. We’ll just have to continue monitoring things. As for the adoption process, my understanding is that Ministry of Women, Children, and Social Welfare is still accepting dossiers and there has been confirmation of the first couple of referrals being received. So things are still moving.

Ho Hum

I haven’t been in much of a bloggy mood of late. I have no news to share. Our agency and I spent a good while trying to track down and resolve whatever misfire happened between NVC and CIS in Ho Chi Minh City. Last Friday we were told that the 1600 packet had been sent off from Vietnam to Nepal finally. (Three weeks after the initial request was sent.)

On Monday, we received an email from our agency stating that they anticipated picking up the last Guarantee letters from the Embassy and submitting all the dossiers that they have waiting (5) this week.  Since then, nothing.  So, I have no idea whether our dossier has finally been (dusted off after 2 1/2 months of sitting somewhere and) submitted.

Ho Hum.